24 july 01
I should probably still be working on the site right now, the website I'm doing for Joe's organization in Chicago, but I've been working on it for almost a week straight now and I can't look at it anymore, I just can't. It won't be done by the end of this week, and my whole vacation will have disappeared while I've been sitting here in my apartment which is, at present, about a million degrees despite the air conditioner which is making a valiant effort but really only cools off the two feet in front of itself and standing in those two feet of cool air means standing in the very corner of the room which just feels silly to me and so I'm sitting here instead, listening to the air conditioner suck up electricity while wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my right hand.
It's funny, the people we forgive for breaking our hearts and the people we don't.
I went out for a bit tonight with my brother and his girlfriend, which was pleasant. He sat with his arm around her and they were affectionate and sweet and good to be around. He compliments her often, which I know because we've discussed it. He's a good boy, she's lucky to have him. Neither of them like sugar cones, though. I do not understand.
Two nights ago on my way home I stopped at the 24-hour deli at the top of my street, not the usual one I go to since I usually get off the train one stop earlier. The guy who works there still knows me though, since I used to go there more often, a couple of years ago. Two nights ago when I was standing at the counter, he says, out of nowhere, that he never sees me anymore with my friend from up the street. We used to go there together all the time, he says. She still comes in, but never with me. Are you no longer friends, he wants to know. He seems disappointed. Has something happened? I don't know how to answer him, and say something about how we're all so busy now, which is stupid, a stupid excuse to give to him and an even more stupid excuse to give to each other. I ended up asking him if she was even still here since I didn't know if she had gone away for the summer which, last I heard, was a possibility.
A little while ago I proved to myself that I am over a thing by reading something I haven't read in 15 months, this time without experiencing a hot flush in my face and a feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach. Isn't that nice?
I'm listening to Sigur Ros, the album's called Agaetis Byrjun.
I still owe people email, I owe regular mail, I owe wedding gifts and birthday gifts, have work to do I've promised to people, and all I want is to be out of the city for a while someplace where it gets dark at night and so quiet you can hear the stars, to just be someplace, with my boyfriend, where we don't have things we have to do or places we have to be and can sit on a rock for four hours, for example, and have that be enough. Alas.
Tomorrow is the dentist and canoeing with my mom. I think this is better than sitting in front of my computer all day, but I'm not entirely convinced.