28 may 01

CHOOSE YOUR OWN MUTE ADVENTURE #1

1. Why does Mute now blink rapidly?
Technically speaking, people blink to cleanse the eye. Salty secretions from the tear glands moisten the surface of the eye every time the eyelids close, which flushes away dirt and dust while lubricating the eyeball. Clearly this is not the reason for Mute's rapid blinking, as Mute, being part of a website housed on a remote server, does not possess an actual eye the way that humans such as you or I do. Now, scientists have discovered that we reduce the amount of blinking when we are acquiring important information and blink more often when we are not processing information. Rapid blinks then are a sign that activity in the brain is low, or paused altogether. It can be inferred then that Mute now blinks rapidly because Mute has stopped taking in any information for the time being, is not reflecting on any information, and is pretty much just hanging out waiting for something interesting to happen. It has also been noticed that we are most likely to blink while reading text, as our eyes shift from one page or line to the next. Perhaps Mute is busy reading, catching up on the classics or going through its Russian literature phase. Finally, blink rate can be connected to one's emotional state. For example, someone who is very tired will blink with more frequency than a person who is well rested. Mute's current blinking habits could be due to nothing more complicated than the fact that it's been keeping some late nights, and just needs a good night's sleep.

2. How rapidly do you blink?
On average, I blink every four to six seconds.

3. Is the preciousness of McSweeney's beginning to grate on you?

A N S W E R   T O    T H E   Q U E S T I O N    O F
   W H E T H E R   T H E   P R E C I O U S N E S S
   O F   M c S W E E N E Y ' S   I S   B E G I N N I N G
   T O   G R A T E   O N    M E ,   A S   A S K E D
   B Y   A   F O L L O W E R   O F   M c S W E E N E Y ' S .
- - - -

Sometimes the preciousness of McSweeney's will grate on me and sometimes it won't. Whether or not the preciousness of McSweeney's grates on me might depend, in part, on whether, on any given day, I am feeling generally fed up with preciousness or with Irony. For example, if today I am feeling particularly fed up with preciousness or with Irony I am likely to find the preciousness of McSweeney's grating. Tomorrow, however, I might not be generally fed up with preciousness or with Irony and therefor am not likely to find the preciousness of McSweeney's grating. And so on.

4. Will I ever shake this Calvinist work ethic that cripples my creativity (whilst not, actually, helping me get any work done)?
Yes. Because the Calvinist work ethic is based on guilt, and you are well aware of the fact that guilt is no reason to do or not do anything.

5. Is there a bee on me?
No. Wait, yes.